Aquariess Today

 Hi everyone who remembers me.  I'm back on Livejournal.  The main reason is because there are not enough sites on the internet that I am really interested in.  I'm sure that's a failure on my part to seek them out, yet when I thought about the fact I needed another "hub," Livejournal, you came to mind.

Sure, I'm been spending a lot of time on Facebook.  I'm not going to deny it or make excuses.  Facebook is actually great, and people should get over themselves and just join.  However, the blogging aspect sucks, thus Livejournal still has it's place.

I'm not going to tell you a whole lot about me right now.  I'm just going to tease you.  I know that you all enjoy literature (even if it is in the form of television Pop), but even so, I am winding a great story.  This is just my hook.  I'm here.  I'm mysterious.  You'll need to keep reading.

And since I put it out there, if anyone knows of a good site I might enjoy checking out- or a more productive use of my time (I'm thinking about Zumba dancing, but that would mean switching gyms) I'm open.  

The reason, by the way, that I took a hiatus from Livejournal is that back in the day (2006 or so) I had a job that allowed me to get on this site.  Somehow it flew under the radar.  My current employer is much more thorough.  

Oh, and please don't anyone be offended by the sheer narcissism of my post.  I got the idea that you people enjoy the snarly tone, so I will give the people what they want. 

I'm back in the swing of things. I've made several New Year's resolutions this year too. Now, I realize that most people find this futile, but in my case, I believe a change was way past due.

To begin with, I let my gym membership lapse. I did this on purpose, b/c I didn't like that gym, and wanted to join a new one. So, now I'm checking one out that is closer to school. Yeah, it's a hike from home, but I'm also joining for the social experience. The Woodbridge Gold's Gym is where all the cool "kids" (read young teachers) hang-out. And though I'd be beyond  ecstatic to fit into slimmer jeans, my primary reason for joining a gym is to relieve anxiety. Usually it just rises exponentially. But now, I really feel better.

And I know I"m corny, but I am optomistic about the future this year.  Then again, aren't you corny too? Hell, you're part of America that's ga-ga over Obama and his "radical" change idea.  I mean, come on, "Change!"  That's brilliant!  REALLY. SOMEONE DIFFERENT THAN THE IDIOT IN OFFICE NOW.  WHAT A CONCEPT.

BUT pay no attention; that's the old cynical me speaking. She's just unhappy and wants to thwart BOs efforts to make America Camolot again.  Shame on me.

So thinking in this vein, caught between optimistic me, who is an adrenaline-junky, and old pessimistic me, who well, hates everything except all out rebellion, I was trying to figure out why I didn't like Obama and wanted Hillary to win. (Well, it's not that I don't like Obama. I mean, how could you not like Obama? It's just that my sympathy resided with Hil.) Here's my analyzes of my pro-Hillary past.

1. I love the 90s, so I'd love to bring back the Clinton years. Yes, I know that technically I spent the 90s as a confused, overwhelm adolescent. But I was a confused adolescent with purple hair and a keg party. Awe, good times! (Ok, rational me don't tell stuck in 1999 me that having a Clinton in the White House won't magically transport me back to my college years. Shush. There are some political secrets, the public just isn't ready for.)

2. A woman in the White House- that is just cool. Yeah, I know Hillary was technically already in the White House, but this time, Bill would be First Lady and that's just awesome! I mean, it was novel enough to have a woman president the premise of a really bad TV show starring Gena Davis.  And, no surprise, the story was bad.  So...women in the White House, ex prez as the First Lady?  That's a better TV show, see because we get to see Bill Clinton as First Lady.  LOL. It's either a feminist revolution, or just a great premise. YOU DECIDE AMERICA!

3. Hillary  kind of looks like me. Yeah, an older, more serious, pant-suit wearing me, but a possible me none-the-less. (For the record, I still look much more like Alyson Hannigan.) 

4. And here's the kicker.- I just thought it would be more fair (fairer?, equitable, let's call it that.)  Maybe the Barrack thing just seems too much like a popularity contest to me, and well, I never really won those.  Like way back in elementary school, I had this idea to run for class president.  Okay, first I had this idea of having a class president. But did that make me a shoe-in.  NO. Not at all.  Toni Ann Parisi won.  Why wouldn't she?  (Now, my fellow classmates from Washington School, if you are reading this- realize that I am not still mad at Toni Ann, but I will certainly pretend to be, if it makes me ironic point.) I lost!  But how could that be!  It was my election!  It was my race! I designed the GD class election! It was mine! (See, I have unresolved anger.)

Now, Along with my whole "Change in 2008" personal campaign (Hey, did you all notice that it's spelt like champaign?) I realize what America has realized; that I don't like Hillary.  No, offense Hillary.  I like what you are trying to do for America, but it's just that you seem upset.  Upset about the losing, upset about the upset.  Upset perhaps, because in every picture the media shows of you, you look like an angry old crone?  Hummm..I feel your pain.

But, Hil, I'm sorry, this is the Aquariess 2008.  I simply find it a joy-kill to try to figure you out- why America hates you, why America hates women, yada yada yada. 

I'm great in 2008!  I'm all for CHANGE!  I love OBAMA!  I'm all for having him in the white house...then stalking Pennsylvania Avenues...and maybe blowing him kisses...but that's as far as I'll concede.  GO CHANGE!  

Hi everyone. Maybe you've missed me, but I don't post much b/c this site is blocked at work, which is the best time, I think to go on-line.

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Last night I threw my Christmahka party, and it went really well. I had the idea for the party back all the way in October. At that time, I had the urge to throw a Halloween party, but I know that people had all different plans to go out for Halloween weekend, so I set my sites on the Xmas season.

Well, Megan was suppose to come up and visit Ryan and I this weekend, so we coordinated the party with her visit. Only, last week, she found out that she couldn't come, b/c she had to go up to New England on Monday, making it too hard to be in VA on Saturday.

Well, at this point, I thought my part was going to sux, b/c she wasn't the only person who was canceling. Most people from school weren't going to show; really I only got three "maybes" from the Woodbridge crowd.

So, basically, I assumed that I would have about four guests total, none-the-less I decided to plan for the party as though I would have 10 or more people. Maybe I was in denial, or maybe I was just so excited with all the details I had planned, that I couldn't abandon them. One example: I had been baking cookies for a while, then (because I decided to use pre-made cookies, that you just heat up,) I decided that they weren't good enough, and kept making more.

Then yesterday I cleaned the entire house and Ryan and I went to Giant to pick up last minute snacks. I only restrained from buying vodka, b/c I figured who was going to drink it.

Well, Ryan was there and Christy and Preston showed up, and so I figured, well at least I have a get-together going on. Then, surprise, an hour or so later, more guests arrived, so it was a real party.

I'm am very grateful that it went much better than my Halloween party when I lived out in Buddlake, which was not really a party at all, since there were only two guests.

So, I figured this endeavor will give me the confidence to really make my home in Virginia and keep pursuing friendship. I was telling myself that no matter if people showed up or not, it wouldn't make much of a difference, but I'm still glad that they did.

I wrote some more. Let me know if you are interested. I don't want to post all of it, and I'm afraid that I won't get the cut to feature right.

I love my new pictures on this site.

I felt so miserable after my nap today, but now I feel better. I had a bowl of popcorn with lots of salt. What is it with me and salt? Does anyone know of a condition where a person needs tons of salt? I worry about sodium and retaining water and all, but I'd really do anything to kick myself out of a funk.

So I still feel bad that I'm letting the nice weather slip away, but in a way I'm ready for autumn and even winter. I had a horrible summer, so thought maybe I could have salvaged it, I'm ready to move on. I'm looking forward to making my place even more cozy for winter.

We got some new bedroom stuff that is really making that space, and it's pretty awesome.

IMPORTANT: Hey. If I didn't mention it, I want to get people together for the 22nd of December. We should go out to NYC to celebrate Xmas. Then, if there is enough interest, I will definitely do a New Years thing at my new house in VA. Let me know! I love parties and holiday!!

Some people worked out of their bags. I worked out of my townhouse. That's how I liked it. It was much more comfortable with its blue bedroom and ocean modern living room. Not that I brought my clients in there. I need some privacy in my life.

Here's a secret, if I could keep a secret. I didn't decorate most of the townhouse I love so much. It was my husband. He's a secret agent. I guess that should be the secret right? But since no one will probably ever read this, then it's fair to say he is a secret agent. I mean, the government isn't going to look at the journals under my bed, is it?

Living in Northern Virginia, there are a lot of women married to secret agents. We have a book club. We meet on Thursday. I make brownies. Now, I choose brownies, because they are easy to make. I now regret making brownies, because then I'm stuck with brownies in the house and I'll eat them. That's a problem. About a year ago, I was hardly eating anything. I think it was then that I thought that making brownies could only be a good idea. Things change.

My clients aren't really clients, they are more like patients. I never wanted to get into business, and I more of a theoretical person, which is how I ended up with patients instead of client. My life coach says that I should be warmer, that I close a part of me up when I can't expound intellectually on something. So maybe I should stop calling my patients clients? Maybe I should call them friends or my people? I don't know. I don't trust life coaches very much. There training is horrible, but I go to one because I can't abide my anymore psycho babble. I'm a psychologist.

I don't have my life coach come to my house. I go to her's. It's not close, it's all the way out in Falls Church which is inside the Beltway, whereas I am clearly outside the Beltway, even outside of Fairfax county. But here location is preferable; going nearly to Washington, that is. I like to feel like I'm a Beltway insider sometimes, even if it's just to see my life coach.

My life coach has a cat, and that's not preferable, but I have no choice in the matter. All life coaches have cats. It is one of the few requirements. I know, I did the research. I found that there are three types of life coaches: there's the control freak she focuses on everyone else's problems to ignore her own. Her office, and it's an office, is full of manuels and sticky notes. It's very organized. She think she's a guru, but she's very egotistical to the point of being manical. Now, being a real psychologist, I can easily diagnosis these people, and have, just for the fun of it.

Hey. I had an interesting day at work today. My freshman class (of almost all girls) loves to take over the class as if it were a coffee house. This is fine by me most of the time, because it was always a dream of mine to teach English as a coffee house, and it also means less planning for me. (I think they don't see it that way do, because I also push to get my lessons executed.)

Well, today, one of the girls played some indie-emo stuff on her acoustic guitar. It was really lovely, and just very enjoyable. I think I was inspired and tonight I downloaded some music (Arcade Fire, Dashboard Confessional, Blonde Redhead, Wilco, Ingrid Michaelson) and some other stuff. I'd really like to play accoustic too, but I think I'll have to work up to that. Because of my acoustic guitar being so big and roughing up my fingers, it actually deterred me from playing until I got a Strattocaster electric. Now I'm thinking about a smaller acoustic, but all in good time.

I really want to focus on different types of artistic endeavors. Next month is write a novel in a month month, BTW. I want to do that, but I know it is a huge commitment of time and energy. But I want to do it. I don't know what to write about yet though. When I was having relationship issues (or communication issues) I started a novel about a woman who was alienated by her husband and had a strange sister-like relationship with his step-daughter. Then, after reading some of John Gardener's Grendel, I started writing about a vampire who is unhappy about other vamps going good. That had a satisfying manifesto at the beginning, but I don't see it going anywhere.

So, I may use this LJ as an idea generator for a while. Feel free to chime in. I know that it's a good idea to write about what you know, but I have to go beyond that right? Either that, or I need a more exciting life. I really go home and sleep and then watch Heros lately. Not too exciting.

Oh well, I'm thinking. That's a start.

It's really upsetting to drive home on a Friday night and hear no good news. Oh yeah, Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize. That should be good news, if everyone didn't put a horrible spin on it. First the woman on the Christian radio stations compared Gore getting the NPP to Barry Bonds getting into the record books for the most home runs (based on the fact that a few mates in Australia challenge some points in An Inconvenient Truth.) Then some IDIOT had the balls to say that we don't have to be responsible for the Earth, because no matter what we do, God will save us all! Then the commentator said something to the effect of, I think it's all well and good not to abuse the Earth, but we need to remember that God is in control, we can't be arrogant to think that we are really in control of anything. Okay. And what if you're wrong lady? Do you think that God want us fucking up our planet just to show humility? And what is humble about raping our planet in the ass anyway? What exactly is godly about thinking that we have NO responsibility to anything, as long as we say that God is on our side? Who? Did Jesus say that? Because you Christians keep saying that Jesus said it, but I NEVER hear passages that actually support your bullshit!

Basically I've come to the conclusion that anyone tries to do anything good on Earth, the world is going to Cruxify Him. Oh, Jeez...that sounds like something from the Bible, now doesn't it?

Hi all. I've been busy lately and this site is blocked in school. Since I haven't been posting lately, I'll let you know what's up with me.

I'm teaching 12th grade Brit lit and three writing classes at Woodbridge HS. My morning writing class is 9th grade, and in the afternoon I have an 11th grade class. I'm ecstatic about how goods my students are, and how interesting the curriculum is. It's a performance art school, so it's sort of my dream job.

Well, there was quiet a misadventure that went along with my first week on the job. You see, besides having the four preps I have now (preps are different classes, thus another class to prepare for), I had five. But the fifth class was AP English. Well, AP English is very demanding to teach, and I don't see how they would give it to anyone who is already teaching four other preps, but giving it to a new teacher at the school, coming from a middle school, well that's just insanity.

It's funny, b/c I think I actually got out of teaching it with a very political move on my part, but that wasn't really my intention. You see, we had an in service day for English teachers at a different HS in the county. Well, I told a bunch of people my predicament, besides all the people at Jay's school, also in the county. People were offering me all kinds of help, which was great, but I still thought - why not just give me a schedule so I'm not doomed for failure?

So that night, Anne, my dept head calls and says she's arranged for someone else to take my AP class. It involved messing with the kids schedules, but it worked out b/c the person who got my schedule already has two APs and thus he has no new preps.

So, I suppose spreading this around the county worked to my advantage. It goes to show you that being bold and sneaky can pay off, but in my case, it was just my inability to keep my mouth shut.

Anyhoo...my students are soooo amazing. The freshman class of writers is almost all girls. They are the romantic type and keep writing about "heartbreak." It's really cute, and they're adorable and very supportive.

My older groups are must more jaded, and I have theater and sci-fi geeks.

Since I'm a geek too, I seem to bond with them. I don't really know how much luckier I could get in terms of having awesome students!

So..I'm happy. (yeah, I've been bummed about some other things, but I think it's my gloomy nature.) I'm determined to overcome that though.

I'm writing my lesson plans and so I plan to take the weekend off and just have some fun!

Hey. I haven't posted in a while. I began teaching this week. I'm at Woodbridge Senior HS this year. I really love the school including the other teachers and the students. I'm teaching a bunch of writing classes, so I want to get more into that too. I think I'll post some of my writing here. I may also use my Athena account which I never use at all. So, anyways, that's what's up with me.

I was watching the Bob Siegel video for "Night Moves," just now. Wow, he must be old. It's a mid eighties video, and (according to the dramatization) he is reminscing about the early 60s and making out with girls at the drive-in.

But, Oh my lord, that's Joey Tribiani! What's he doing in this video?!

I just got placed in a new school. I'm going to be teaching high school AP English 12 and creative writing at a performance arts high school. This is what I always wanted to teach, so I'm very lucky. I never thought I'd be ready already though, so I'm going to have to hit the books. Still, there's a sort of romanticism involved with pouring over the classics, rather than pounding the fundamentals. Plus, I'll have smart students! Any good ideas? I can't wait to teach theory!!

I'm going up to NJ next weekend. Kim is going to be there, which is why I was originally going, however I have other reasons. For one thing, two of my good friends, Heidi and Becky, will be moving in August, so I want to see them while I still can.

Hell, I just moved to the new house and we have to be completely out by August, so it seems that everyone is moving in August. What suxs about this (if I haven't mentioned it), is that it is going to be difficult to see everyone from now on. At least before, I could go to Jersey to visit.

Anyway, perhaps I am lacking as a sister, but I am worried that my parents are going to make the visit all about Kim. I think I have a right to be pissed though, because I've lived in VA since November and my parents have yet to visit. You'd think I was living in Istanbul (which according to TMBG is no more).

Anyways, I am making this blog all convoluted, b/c what I really meant to convey is that I will be up next weekend, and I will be having a party. Okay, Kim is having a party, but I'm sort of piggy backing on it. According to her, my parents have pretty much given her free rein to do what she wants, so I'd like to invite everyone I know. So, if you've ever met me, consider yourself invited. It's a drinking party and a pool party respectfully, and thus you should respectfully bring a six pack or some other type of spirit, and you should respectfully NOT pee in the pool (that's what the neighbor's lawn is for.)

Anyhoo...it should be a good time had by all!

Morever, if you will also be in town, get in touch with me, and we'll make other plans as well.

I'm in a bad way. I got back from visiting Gburg this weekend and things fell apart- at work that is.

Work? You ask, but Stacy aren't you off for the summer? Well, yes, but when someone out of the blue calls and offers you nearly $ 40.00/HR to teach a summer school class, you jump at the opportunity. Yet, it is a terrifying jump. Now, I was hoping that I could make this easy. I don't want to be there, and they HAVE to pass, right? Well, no! It's never that easy, especially when teacher looks like such a push-over.

(Not only did they flag me as a Alyson Hannigan look-a-like, but someone compared me to Pam on the Office. That would be totally flattering, except she also said, "And you act like her too." Great! So I have fucking cowardice written all over me. I have, I'm too nice to stand up to my class, so just walk the fuck all over me written across my chest!)

So, Yeah, I'm in a bad way. Now, I'm going to have to face the facts that I can't expect this to be easy and to magically work out. Now, I have to put some great effort into fixing this. Which all really really really suxs, because part of me is still crying out, "I'm not even suppose to be here today!!!!!"

I started by calling up one parent and explaining how her daughter was out of line. This was gutsy for me, b/c I usually don't call kids for being out of line and wait till it goes too far. But I'm noticing, that with high school it is worse. It's is not their ADHD that is motivating them as much as them thinking that they can try to run the class.

I'm going to have to kick ass and get them into the office pronto. The thing is, they know if they get suspended, they are sunk! It is also good that one of the ring leaders (A girl who told me right away that she didn't like me), already had to miss one day of school, so it's more important than ever for her not to miss any more.

Then, I'm going to get over my work-a-phobia as well. It completely sucks that work starts at 7:00 AM and that it is a bleak looking high school without any windows and very little time off.

I have a difficult fight ahead, so if you all would send me some love, and if you see the wizard, tell him that I'll be needing a bit more courage.

Thanks!

Jay and I have been painting nearly every day now. The first floor is a relaxing cool green. The middle floor is a warm tan and the top floor (bedroom) will be a cool but pretty blue called "cake stand" by Martha Stewart.

It's so much fun to work on the house and Jay thinks I'm an expert painter. It's exciting and I'd like to move in soon! Only, I'm afraid once I move in, things will stop looking new and I'm afraid of making my usual mess of clothes around. (Plus, I won't have a walk in closet to hide the clutter it! Oh no!)

Anyhoo...life's been good. I just graded a bunch of papers. I have a lot of that to do. As I was reading over a bunch from a class I don't like, I found myself writing positive messages to the kids. They're in 8th grade, so of course they are obnoxious. Some of them really worked though and I thought a word of encouragement and appreciation would be nice.

My friend Christy is so cute with the kids. She really treats them like they are in kindergarden, but they sort of eat it up. I'm not really like that, but it's okay, most MS teachers aren't. Truthfully, even when I had PreK in college, I forgot really how young they were. Once I almost told them to stop acting like they were in kindergarten, and they were only four! But, honestly, the way girls are- sometimes they seem much older!!

Kids are fun. I think I'll miss them. Jenna B. is awesome (even though she never stops talking.) I hope I can see them again over the summer. But how do you plan a get-to-gether with 14 year olds?

Anyway, Michael may get me a baby-sitting job this summer for his neighbor and that would be cool. I don't want to work in an office, even though I have experience an am a great typer. And I won't make the committment to work in DC (even though I could get an exciting summer job there) b/c with all that's going on w/ the house, I need to be around here.

So I figure that if I baby-sit, I'll stay in touch with kids and get a little side money. Even if the pay isn't great, it will be on top of my extra salary. I just need some pocket money to buy some shorts or take a road trip, that's all.

BTW..I thought my sister was coming the same week that I'll be visiting Gburg, but she's not coming until a month later. That leaves me time enough for everything. Cool beans!!!

Hey! Megan is coming to visit this weekend (she's on her way now) and we are going to a winery/vinyard party. (I think there was a better name for it, oh yes, it's a "Wine festival." Which is appropriate, although now I'm getting visions of the Cask of Amontillado.)

Anyways... Strange enough last night I had a dream about a teacher whom I work with, and whom I also went to Gburg with. It was an odd dream, which I won't go into. But oddly enough, today the two of us had a long conversation, and I even invited her to go to wine fest. To meet me, anyhow.

This is sounds so trivial, but I am just trying to meet more friends. I've always had a lot of friends in Jersey, but they were people I've known since high school. I also had friends in college, but we were a close-knit group.

Okay, so I was a co-dependent emo kid. The problem with that being that when I attracted other new friends sometimes they were even more co-dependent. Eventually, I saw more risk in making friends than not making friends.

Now the point I need to face is that there are always healthy normal people around to be friends with. Even more so now that I'm not in Jersey.

To have healthy normal friends, you have to be a healthy normal friend. Right? But for a long time I have been undergoing the process of normalizing. Haven't I?

Oh, I know a bunch of you are going to say, "Let your freak flag fly," and I agree. Individuality, creativity all great. But, I just need to learn how to have friends besides my best friends. Beyond the people who starred in the Bill Chronicles.

I need to open that door.

Today I was sort of in a bad mood. I knew that I wanted to go to NJ, but it just didn't seem in the cards. Now I don't know when I'm gong to get there.

We get the keys to the house on Friday, which is of course HUGE. Only, I'm a little apprehensive about all my new responsiblies and the idea that I keep moving farther and farther into adult-hood and away from freedom. I try to combine who I am and who I want to be, but I do feel stifled in some odd way. I think it also has a lot to do with the fact that I am away from all my friends, friends that I've had for quite some time. I haven't had to make new friends in such a long time that I've haven't. Now, I feel, 'I have to work to have a social life!' Oh please!

I have to kick my ass to get involved. I have to kick my ass to go outside of my comfort zone. I also wish that some of my Jersey friends would visit me. I figure it's pushing their comfort zone a little too, and it is much easier to stay and wait for me to come to then, but where's the adventure in that?

I want to show everyone my new house, my apt, DC and the momuments, swanky Georgetown, Arlington & Alexandria, the elite Fairfax suburb, the serene Virginia country side, brand-spanking new Gainesville & Bristow, all ye olde pre Civil War towns, and even the ghettos of Manassas.

But alas, I left. I think people sort of resent me for it (and I KNOW my mother does.) I guess that makes sense, but staying where I was when I had this opportunity wouldn't make much sense either. So there we are.

No wonder people don't respond to my posts; they are usually so all over the place. Therefore, I apologize for the none-sense. Hey, you should see the long winded directions I left with my sub today!

Anyways, my stress subsided, and my interview went well. It's all about the confidence, baby!

Oh yeah, and Heidi's back. She's in NJ.

Summers coming up and I actually bought a scrap-book. I'm having lots of fun taking pictures with the digital camera I got for Xmas. I figure that things are going well, so I should savor it.

pS...my pic reminded me. LILY MARSHALL WEDDING AWESOME!!!

I was settled. I had everything I could have wanted: great job, a fiance, a new house. But I'd been ignoring one unsettling fact. My job is not garenteed. Because I'm so new, I'm on the "Destaffed" list.

Being destaffed is half like being downside and half like being transferred. It means you will be transferred somewhere, but it's up to you to get yourself hired in the county.

So I want to go to the new middle school that they just built. It is about a half mile from my new house. It is in a nice area and some of the other people I work with now will hopefully be there too. I have a good shot as well, b/c I got a recommendation from my principal. Everything was groovy.

Then, last night Rome (Ryan's friend, who works at a neighboring MS that has also been destaffed) had to upset me about the whole situation. He told me that it is very competitive at this school and some of his coworkers have been turned down. Others have been hired (so they have done some hiring in the LA department already.) He's in 6th grade, so I think they started with that grade (I'm in eighth). Still it took me all day to convince myself that I had a shot. He kind of shook my courage.

I didn't like what Rome did, but I didn't think he was purposefully trying to worry me. Then, worst of all, I sort of deserves his brutal honesty, b/c I had just done the same thing to Justin just a few minutes before.

Justin is Ryan's roommate and he's been seeing this guy, Tim for a while. (He's gay, if you haven't caught on yet.) Well, I know that Tim had given Ryan's new guy, Chad, his number when he was supposidly still with Justin, so already, I think Tim is just a cheater who can't be trusted.

Well, Justin goes on about a suspicious situation where Tim didn't want to see him at all this weekend b/c he was busy "cleaning his apartment." And how on Friday he said he'd be home, but then he was out with other people. Well, I just thought that Justin was being ridiculous in trying to trust him at all and so I said, "No one gives up plans, just to clean their apartment ALL Night." Sure, he was cleaning, I thought, so he could have someone else over! Duh!

Well, I guess that was really mean of me to say. I didn't do it to be mean, I just think that he needs to face the truth. But who am I to say that? I don't know if I would have said something like that to one of my girlfriends. Was it b/c he was guy? Or was it b/c he was only a friend of a friend, that I was so blunt? Or maybe it's bc Tim was so bold as to call me a "whore" and so I really don't like him.

And he wasn't calling me a slut, he was asking if I was indeed a prostitute, b/c Ryan had to be like, "This is Stacy, I had sex with her once, and I'm not even straight."

So- and here's the thing I feel bad about. I really don't like gay men. I mean, they cheat all the time! They have their freaky-deeky three-somes. (Which I don't understand really b/c how many penises do you really need?)

But the thing is- they think that everyone is down with it, but I know that someone is getting hurt. This is the very same reason why I hated men in college. Sure, everyone thinks its cool to fool around, but you're fooling yourself, if you say no one is getting hurt.

Most MEN who were once just GUYS grew out of this. Whether these guys will is to be seen, but if they are only out for meaningless sex, than I will see them as meaningless whores.

BTW...Justin is not like this, so I feel bad for him. And maybe I will email him and apologize.

As for Tim, he better watch out!

Can't decide if I should go to Jersey next week. I mean, I just don't want the miles on my car, but my friend is really into this fight against cancer walk. It's a real cool one, b/c it's a rely that goes all night. They have a huge tent and everything. Hummm...

I can't believe how busy I've been in school. We have these crazy standardized tests coming up. I think most of the kids will pass, but last year the school had too many kids "left behind," so to speak. We have overall great schools, but score low with minorities. I hate that they catoragize people that way, b/c the way I look at it. I hate these regulations b/c it just happens to be that if parents speak a different language at home students are always going to have a more difficult time.

Anyway, I'm working hard at it, and I feel like I have no down time. Then I decided to take down time, and I'm thinking, well, you should have gone to the gym, blah, blah blah.. Well, whatever, just wait until summer comes!!

Anyway...I got to get back to work.

PS Jay bought a new TV for us! He wanted to name her. I said "Lucy," and now he thinks that would be an excellent dog name for when we get one this summer.

Feeling anxious today. I don't know why exactly. The school year is starting to get to me. I want it to be over, and then I think I'll just do some visiting for a while. Really anxious though. It doesn't feel good. Sometime b/c of it, I keep myself from doing things I want to do. I sound like a Zolof commericial. (Great! Now, I'll probably find an ad on my page.)

Got the new Buffy comic. It was good. However, I noticed that instead of ending with somekind of conclusion (like the TV show did) it now always ends off with a cliff hanger. I suppose that is just what comics do, but I miss the tidy ending. Without it, there is no catharsis. Damn you, Joss Whedon!

Also, I got an expensive haircut. It's cute, but a different more styled look. And I highlighted both red and blond, because I'm that indecisive and noncommittal.